Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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