His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize