I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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