Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
