I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
