Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
