At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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