i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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