The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
