Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
