she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
