I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
