he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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