The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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