Buhtt sex?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
