69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
