I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
