I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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