i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
