He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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