you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
