Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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