well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
