He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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