Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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