I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize