I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
