We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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