If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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