hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
