mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
