My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
