new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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