It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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