Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
