I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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