I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
