Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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