We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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