she woke up with a sticky ear
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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