she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
