Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
