it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
