I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
