Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
