i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize