my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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