i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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