some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
