You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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