That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
