if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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