you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
