Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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