i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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