Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
