...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
