miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
