Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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