U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
