Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
