Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
