I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
