I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
