I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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