Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
