so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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