my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
