Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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