i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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