She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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