umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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