Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
