Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
