Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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