Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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