it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize