I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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