It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
