I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize