And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
