Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
