He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
