i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
