i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
