it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
