What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
