Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
