I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
