Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
