My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
