I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
